Romantic Ideas

This past week since Jason proposed, I have had fun just waving my ring finger in front of people, it's been so fun to share my joy and excitement about the upcoming wedding. I have had so many thoughts racing through my head, I thought I should get a few out there and hope it makes sense.

Today marks two years since the finalization of my divorce. If you had told me, at any point in the past 15+ years that my life would lead to this point, I never would have believed it. I know that's pretty cliché, since we can't ever really predict life. Heavenly Father is always in charge, and although our choices will lead to certain things in life, He will provide every opportunity to give us the joy we deserve and desire.

A couple days ago, I showed one of the drivers at work my engagement ring. He recently proposed to his girlfriend, so I thought it would be fun to chat for a minute. He asked how he proposed, I said "it was in the temple." He said "was it romantic?" I was taken back by that, because "romantic" is what I always dreamed of, always hoped for, and it's not exactly what I got. I paused, and smiled at him. I said "not especially. But it was perfect. It was sweet, and I wouldn't want it any other way."

There is a song by Michael McLean, sung at the end of "The Forgotten Carols" play, where the main character sings about all the things she thought she wanted, and how it didn't hold a candle to the things she had been given. At that moment, I understood the words to that song better than ever. I have had so many dreams die, I have hurt so much in the past few years, and every tear shed, every ounce of hurt is worth it to be where I am today.

As I continued talking to this driver at work, he told me about how he has moved all his girlfriend's things in to his house, and how they've both been married a couple of times before, I thought how funny it is the way different people find joy in different ways. He was planning a simple ceremony in the canyon, then a romantic cruise for the two of them. He seems genuinely happy, and yet I can't imagine being happy without the gospel, and without living the standards that will allow me to be with my family forever.

Part of a text conversation with Jason today:

"don't take this the wrong way, but you're just not what I pictured. You're definitely attractive, don't get me wrong... but now, I can't picture my life with anybody or anything else."

As always, Jason seemed to understand perfectly what I was saying, he responded "no, I get that. I have the same thought sometimes, but then I look into your smiling autumn eyes and you're the only woman I can see."

I never imagined myself being divorced. Never thought I would be a single mom for over 2 years, and definitely never thought I would actually enjoy dating and getting to know so many great people. I didn't think I'd love living next door to my parents, didn't expect to have so many friends openly accept me and help me throughout the divorce and a break up later. I didn't think I'd fall for a man with a mustache. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

In the words of Michael McLean's song:

"All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of,
everything I hoped, and all the things I prayed for
couldn't hold a candle to, what I've been given,
I've been given what I need.

"A mansion on a hill, or love like in the movies,
perfect little dreams where no one has a problem.
instead of all those things I thought I really wanted,
I've been given what I need.

"Even when I didn't understand,
When I thought you had no heart
Thank you for rejecting my commands,
And always giving me the better part.

"All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of,
everything I hoped, and all the things I prayed for
couldn't hold a candle to, what I've been given,
I've been given what I need.

"All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of,
everything I hoped, and all the things I prayed for
couldn't hold a candle to, what I've been given,
I've been given what I need.