We all do it.
See something we want. Someone we want to be. Always craving happiness we think we are missing, without realizing the "behind-the-scenes" of the situation we envy. Without knowing all that it took for that person to be where they are, without knowing that we are probably viewed as the "greener grass" at times.
I've had a few people tell me they are jealous that I have found my "Mr. Right" or telling me how lucky I am to have all I have now, 11 kids. What some don't know is the H-E-double-hockey-sticks I went through to get here. Some know a little of it, some have helped me through a lot of it.
There were times when I felt buried, overwhelmed by the darkness around me. There were times when I wondered if I would ever be happy, or if I even deserved to be happy. At times, I wondered if I would ever have a child. Then, I wondered if I'd ever have more than one. Before my divorce, as things started to crumble, I wondered if I'd ever survive the situation. I wondered if I would be strong enough to leave. In my days of single motherhood, I never imagined I'd be where I am. I cried a lot, I prayed even more.
I am in a good place, right now. But that could change in an instant, because I have bipolar disorder/depression/anxiety. I have a wonderful husband, he makes me smile every day. I have 11 children I love, even though sometimes they don't even like me. But it's been hard, and it still is. Blending a family has challenges I never could have thought of. Having an ex-, and dealing with his ex-, is hard. Really, really, really HARD sometimes.
Yet, the envy still creeps in. I envy friends that haven't seen the darkness like I have. At least I don't think they have. I desire the simple, happy life some of my friends have. But I have to remember, that those dark times, those challenges, and the hard things I've survived, are part of what brought me to this happiness. It makes me appreciate the simpler things, and I realize that I can handle a lot more than I realized before.
Often, on social media I see comments like "you deserve to be happy" or "you deserve (fill-in-the-blessing)". Don't we ALL deserve to be happy, to be blessed? Even when we don't feel like we deserve it, which is something I feel frequently, Heavenly Father wants to bless us. He is sending blessings we don't even see, and may not ever recognize in this life. Each of us is on our own path, the one meant for us. The route that will teach us the lessons we need to learn. Remember the grass can be green, luscious, soft, and weed-free if we focus our attention on it. Cliché as it may sound. And when there are dark spots, or thorns, we just have to get the right "stuff" to fix it.
