Every year, I attend the Michael McLean play "The Forgotten Carols". I love the play, it's become a tradition that I go with Cameo. Sometimes, there are others, and a few years I've gone twice so I could go with her and then with Aaron or Angie or somebody else. While I know every scene, and have memorized most of the parts, I still have a great time attending every year.
Friday night I attended with Cameo. I could feel the spirit from the moment the lights dimmed. It was amazing, as always. There are so many things I felt and experienced that night, and I kept thinking "I need to blog about this." But here I am, in my dad's office, unsure what to write. I'm still going to try, just don't be surprised if this is a much more random entry than most :) In case you haven't read or heard or seen the story, I'll explain this much: Constance is a very uptight woman, who has had a lot of hurt in her life and has a hard time "letting go". She meets "Uncle John" and he calls her "Connie" which she doesn't like, but eventually learns to "let go" and allows herself to feel and act in a whole new way, as "Connie".
Constance Louise Chamberlain (NOT Connie!) is the main character in the story, and as I'm watching her personality come out, I'm reminded we all have moments of "Constance" and moments of "Connie". The goal, the whole point of the story, is that it's OK to be "Connie". Constance is the depressed, scared, unhappy person we've all been at some point. Connie comes out when she finally allows herself to be happy, and allows the true spirit of the holidays into her heart. Not just in her life, but in her heart.
I reflected on my life, and all the times I've been a Constance. How I let the negatives cloud my life at times. Now part of this is due to the chemical imbalance that I've struggled with my entire life, but another part is FEAR. I have always been overly cautious of what people might think of me if I act a certain way, or let my "Connie" side come out. Most of my life has been spent and Constance. In the past few months and years, I've learned to 'let go' as Connie did. It's so hard sometimes but it's definitely worth it in the end! Without letting Connie in, we lose so much. The holidays are a drag, the days are dark and difficult, and living in general becomes miserable. Connie lets us serve and uplift others, feel the spirit, enjoy our lives, and share spirit of the holidays and the gospel with those around us.
Uncle John saved Connie, and I had to stop and look back at all the Uncle Johns in my life. There were times when I, as did Constance, fought those people that were trying to help and uplift. Times when I couldn't see through the dark clouds of depression enough to realize that those people were truly helping me. Now, I think I'm at a point where I can see all those blessings better than ever.
I am so happy with where I am. There were so many struggles along the way, and sometimes I doubt my choices, or lose my way. But the blessings are so amazing I can't doubt the hand of God in my life. I can't deny that I am where I am meant to be, and I have a choice in becoming the person HE intends me to be.
