Back 2 School

It's been a few weeks since school was back in session, and we are finally getting our routines down. The night before school started, Aaron gave the kids a father's blessing, I admit I was really nervous to have him in my home, with his new wife but it was actually a lot better than I expected.

Karleah is in 6th grade. Her last year of elementary, and she is SO proud of herself. She is a great example for the little kids, and this is the last year she will ever share a school with any of them. She was blessed with patience to help her mom and siblings with getting homework and housework done every day. This is always something she's done, but to have heard those words from my Heavenly Father was a great comfort. My little angel, so spiritual and sweet, so gentle and loving. Even in hre pre-teen stage, I know she loves me. After all she has had to deal with the past few years, that kid is especially amazing. I don't know how she turned out so great.

Nathanael is in 2nd grade. He will be baptized soon, and he talks about it all the time. He has struggled emotionally since the divorce, sometimes he's a downright bully, but then he shows the most compassionate, tender feelings. He is stubborn, and we butt heads often. But when he decides to do something, he will do it quickly and efficiently. My little man gives the best hugs, and has such compassion. When he is making the right decisions, you can SEE the glow all around him. When we did IVF to get this little man, I felt like we "lost" his twin because the 2nd embryo didn't take. I have felt that one day, I'd get to raise that other baby but I often feel like maybe that's his little guardian angel. Probably my guardian angel at times, too. Sweet Nathanael, I can't wait to see the light of the Holy Ghost in your life when you get baptized.

Carson and Vanessa are in kindergarten. All day! Carson loves to learn, unfortunately I didn't spend a lot of time teaching him the things he should have known before school started. But he is mastering letters, numbers, shapes, and counting. He is quick to get his homework done and loves to tell me all about his day.

Vanessa is as stubborn and demanding as ever. I love that little personality of hers. She is left-handed and it's hard for me to help her learn how to write certain things, since I can't help with my right hand. She loves to do her homework without reminding, and is SO proud of herself when it's done without my help.

Faith is still home with me (well, Grandma mostly) and she is as sweet and cuddly as ever. She makes my day when I get home from school and she yells "MOMMY!" and runs up to give me a tight squeeze (usually around my leg, LOL).

I hate that time is going by so fast, my kids are growing up! But I'm so thankful for each of them. They keep me going.

The Sod Miracle Continues

When I decided to order sod, a lot of people questioned the timing. I don't own the home yet, I don't know if I'll ever own it. The yard could have been prepped better, the summer was especially hot and laying sod in mid July is rarely a good idea. But, I had strong feelings that I needed to order it then and nothing could persuade me to postpone it. This is something I do a lot, and sometimes it's probably just my own impatience more than an answer to prayer and pondering. Well, in the last few weeks a few things have happened to show me why I was meant to order the sod when I did.

The kids' dad has been out of work for a minor injury. He may need surgery in the near future, and just a few days ago it occurred to me "if he's out of work, I'm out that child support." This past week, I got $9.25 and obviously that isn't going to cut it. However, knowing that my landlord is reimbursing me for the sod (actually I am just skipping rent for a couple months) means that the timing was perfect and God knew this was going to happen, and when it was going to happen.

Of course there is a lot more to the story, things have fallen perfectly into place that remind me how real God is, how aware he is of me, and no matter how insignificant I may feel at times, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.

Often when we follow a prompting or jump into something with pure faith, we don't immediately see the results of such a decision. Sometimes we never see the results (at least not in THIS life). I tend to question my decisions a lot. Did I do the right thing? Did I think this through well enough? What is going to happen next? These questions, and many others always flood my mind when I "jump in" and I don't always have immediate confirmation that it was faith vs. impatience.I struggle with doubt more often than I care to admit. My testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is firm, never waivering. However I often wonder "why" and question my Heavenly Father's plan for me.

I know that the Son of God suffered greatly for not only my mistakes, but for my pains. My heart can be healed as quickly as it was hurt. Every tear I shed, is something the savior willingly took upon himself. I can't stop the heartache, the hurt, the doubts and struggles. But I can fix it. I hope that I can teach my kids the same things it's taken me years to learn.