I don't know why I can't sleep. Can't seem to turn off my brain, and usually that means I lay in bed trying to force myself to sleep. Somehow, I can't even seem to get myself to lay down and turn the lights off. So, what better thing to do than blog??
I had a great conversation with Cameo today (who am I kidding, they're always great!) I am in awe of her spirituality and I know that amazing things are in store for her.We went to the temple today, and although I was kind of sleepy (sorry to everyone that heard me snore.... ) it was just as amazing as ever. The temple is rarely something miraculous or even describable. But it's always uplifting. It's good to be reminded that I am a part of the true church. It's a reminder that I AM a good person, a Daughter of God and that EVERYBODY is a child of God. It's a reminder that I can be forgiven for all my many flaws. I hope one day to share this with each of my kids.
After the temple, we went to an institute class. It was really good, my favorite was when the speaker said that the best way to show our love for Christ is in the way we treat other people. So many LDS people claim to be following Christ, yet turn away the non-members or the ones that could benefit from a little kindness. I said in my last blog that I would soon update on the kids so here is a little something....
I don't know what I did to deserve these amazing kids in my life, but they really keep me going. Karleah is at a tough age, I know it's not easy to have your parents divorced, your dad remarried, have to move, etc. But she is strong, and amazing. There are days when she cries because of it all, but most of the time, she is my strength, her smile can brighten the darkest days.
Nathanael frequently makes statements that blow me away. Like how he had let Satan get into his heart for a minute, but then he remembered Jesus and made a good choice. I love how he tries to help the younger kids understand how good it feels to make good choices. He is the sweetest boy, and I know that when he is upset he just needs a little extra attention. If he is losing his temper, or just sad, all he needs is to be held in my arms and we both feel better. I hope he's always that easy to comfort.
Carson is a terror right now. He keeps me on my toes!! He likes to scratch, hit, throw, bite, punch, pinch, pull hair, etc. Unfortunately a little attention doesn't calm him down like his brother. When he is upset there's not much we can do to console him. However, when he is in those rare pleasant moods, he is SO sweet and gentle. I know this is a phase he's going through, and part of it is emotional outburst from the divorce so I try to just help him get through it, and remind myself that "this, too shall pass." Carson often tells me that he hates me, but more often I hear him say "you don't like me now!" and it's tears me apart that my little man thinks he is not loved. It's great when the other kids say "we do like you! We just don't like what you're doing!" Those brown eyes are so captivating, I just melt when he smiles at me.
The Diva, I mean Vanessa, is just as dramatic as ever. I LOVE the way she reacts to things. How can anybody not smile around her? She is not afraid to speak her mind, and to go after what she wants. She is so stubborn, so determined, she may one day rule the world. When I am not being the best mommy (yeah, try not to be too surprised but sometimes, I'm mean to my kids.) she tells me. She brings me back to reality because she has an amazing understanding of people and emotions. I don't know how a 5-year-old can be so wise, but she really is. I try to encourage her to keep that stick-to-it attitude, and sometimes that is REALLY hard (lol) Recently we had a family home evening lesson on addictions (trying to teach them internet safety...) and Karleah used the example of Vanessa sucking her thumb as a type of addiction. I went along with it, and as I talked about it, Vanessa said, "mom! Don't forget that I twirl my hair while I suck my thumb!" Love the honesty in that sweet girl.
Last but not least is sweet Faithy.... I don't know what I would do without that sweet girl. When she finds something small she is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!! She found a tiny dinosaur the other day, and came up to me saying "OH! LOOK! It's so TINY! See how TINY?" and she had this really high-pitched voice like parents often use with small children. She would grab it's hands and say "look! It has cute little tiny hands!" My favorite Faith story of late is when I took her potty and told her to go pee. She said "in there" (pointing to her pull-up). I said "no, in the potty" and she said "I won't do it!!" That kid may wear diapers to college. :)
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