Love and Learn

I can't believe I've not blogged in over two months. That's just crazy, it's like I've been busy or something :)

In February I met a guy, we'll call him "T". Some of you may know his real name, but I'm not going to post it. We chatted back and forth quite a bit in February and into March, we officially met in March and went on a date. I really liked him, we had a good time, and actually planned another date. The next week, he was admitted to the hospital for various reasons. I stood by him, reached out to his family members that I had contact with, and kept them informed. When he was released, I was the first person to talk to him (other than the guy that gave him a ride home). We had discussed the possibility of getting married, if things kept going well.

I think part of the "draw" to this particular guy was this: While we were emailing, "T" told me that he had trouble with his ex-wife's family because they were judgmental and didn't understand "hard life experiences" so I asked what his "hard life experiences" were. He told me the biggest one was an undiagnosed mental illness. If you've read my prior blog, you will completely understand my feelings on this topic, so I won't need to explain. BUT, in case you haven't it's no secret, and you can find it here

When he told me about his diagnosis and how it came about, I was drawn in. He understood things that nobody else I've talked to has been able to understand. He knew exactly what I have dealt with, though to a much larger degree than I had. It was like we communicated on so many different levels. "T" wrote me poetry (again, you may have seen it on FB before he deleted it all) he sent me sweet text messages, said all the right things.

After a little while, "T" must have had some sort of relapse. I'm not going to try and explain all that happened, or even to understand it all. I know a lot of my closest family and friends were concerned about us getting together and I  was really worried about all the "I-told-you-so" comments. I had received several priesthood blessings and I stand by the decisions I made. (that sounded defensive.... let me try again....) I know that it sounded "all wrong" and even dangerous, but I still feel very strongly that I made the right decision. I learned a lot from "T" and the entire experience.

For now, I hold strongly to my faith. I know that through Jesus Christ, my savior and Redeemer I will one day be made whole, and so will "T". We had a very strong emotional connection, a type of bond I don't think I've ever shared with anybody else, including others that "understand" mental illness. So, I hold tightly to the faith that when we are both made whole, we can be friends again. I also know it will not happen in this life. We will see each other in a new light, and understanding. Again, all will be made well. I learned a lot from Aaron, and I learned a lot from "T". There are NO regrets. Only learning, growing, and becoming a better Amberleah.