Yesterday is a blur. I'm feeling the lows of being in between treatments. Thoughts of self-harm keep coming to mind, and I can usually get rid of them pretty quick. Dr. Hunziker pointed out that my countenance is much brighter than it was when I arrived here. That's good to hear, because today I am feeling pretty low, dark, depressed, and MOODY! I'm grateful to be here, where I can be watched out for and helped. I know my kids are struggling and hurting, but I am grateful to be setting this example for them, of admitting when I need help and getting the help! The thought of them swarming me with hugs and their sweet voices is a little overwhelming.... But I know I will be there soon, and all of this will just be a memory. I just want to curl up in Jason's arms!
Today I decorated my wall. I have the card from Katie, a card from a patient named David, a puppy TJ scribbled on (it's Lady from "Lady and the Tramp") a flower painted by the kids, a temple drawn and painted by my kids, a mom puppy hugging a baby pup with a heart background (from my kids) a pic of Emily swinging a sparkler in Jason's face (she managed to burn his face and her leg with said sparkler), and cards from Carson, Vanessa, and Faith.
I try to use these decorations as a reminder to get better. We need each other, our family is forever! This is a big challenge for all of u, and I know we can get through this! But I can hardly wait for this all to be a memory. 💓💜
Lucas, Lilly, Jeanine, Anthonio, Karleah, Caranina, Nathanael, Carson, Vanessa, Faith, TJ, Emily I love you all!
Ammie 💜 Reno
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