Learning to Love Life

Warning, this blog post is selfish, it's going to be about ME so if you were hoping for cute details about my kids, you'll have to wait until the next one :)

I love my life. I love where it is headed. Not that it's all roses and sunshine, but it's good. I have really bad days, when I let the little things get to me. I have horrible days where I lock myself in my room and have a good cry while the kids bang on the door. A great friend of mine once said that the lows in life only make the highs seem higher. I think of this often. Without my kids, I don't know what I would do, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't thank Heavenly Father for each and every one of them, BY NAME. They mean the world to me!

 I am easily attached to people. I have lost some very good friends in the last couple of years, and I thought I was going to lose it trying to keep those so-called friends in my life. However, I soon had to "let go and let God" as my sister often says. Those people obviously didn't care enough about me, and didn't want to help me when I needed it most, so WHY would I let them stay? I would happily have been there for those friends, and even now I'd go running if they called me in need of something. That's just how I am, even though they think otherwise.

I have learned SO much about myself in the past year. I have come to understand things about myself that I never could have before, and I am thankful to a loving Heavenly Father, and cannot express the gratitude I have for the sacrifice of His son. Without Him, there is no hope and nothing could get me going without knowing I can be forgiven, and I will be made whole. All will be perfect in the Lord's time.

I am amazed at the things that I feel prompted to do, and just end up jumping right in without giving it a second thought. I have had to rely on the Lord so much lately, that it's becoming a second nature (mostly... I do have my moments!) I still don't know why I felt so strongly about school, I don't know what I'll do with a degree, or what to get a degree in. But I enjoy it, even though I stress about it.

Last week, I fed the missionaries. This is something I want to do more, my kids LOVE when they come over and it's a great way to bring the spirit into our home and I hope it will encourage my kids to one day serve the Lord. They asked if we were in need of any service, or if we knew of anybody that was. I shook my head, though in the back of my mind I was thinking "the back yard needs a LOT of work, and I'm not keeping up with it." I am stubborn, what can I say?

Heavenly Father wasn't going to let me off that easy. I kept trying to convince myself that I don't need help, that I am a strong person and I'm trying to be independent. That's not so bad, right? Well, I guess I needed a lesson in humility :) I sent a message to Elder Moore and he just said "OK" I didn't think that within a couple days, there would be 8 missionaries at my door, ready to do whatever I needed. Within a couple of hours, most of the weeds were cleared, the trees were trimmed neatly, branches moved, and garbage picked up.

Then, I went to my dad and asked him about getting a tiller or something to get the yard ready for grass. He pointed at the construction workers in his yard (they're redoing the driveway over there) and laughed. I said "ask them for me?" and he did. Soon, the guy with a backhoe was leveling out my yard. I felt very strongly that it was what I needed to do. I have no idea WHY. So, next thing I know, I'm ordering sod. I had no idea it was going to happen that way, but the more I pondered on it, the better it felt.

I've been trying to talk to my "landlord" about purchasing this house. I don't want to move again. Ever!! (OK, unless I marry a rich man or something like that LOL!) It's been hard to get him to agree to anything, even just meeting with me and a realtor. But I felt strongly that this move would help me buy the home. I don't know how, and I'm not even sure that I'm right. But this weekend, I'll have grass in my backyard, and I have a week off to enjoy it!

I am also back in the dating world, and although I've heard friends talk very negatively about it, I have not had a bad experience. One could be considered "bad" or "hard" because I was falling for somebody that did everything he could to hurt my feelings. But, I learned so much from it that I can't complain. I am aware that I'm a good person with much to offer. I have made great friends and although there is always a fear that I will be hurt again, or that I'll make the same mistakes, I know that for now, I am on the right path and Heavenly Father is watching over me.

I really do love my life. I know I will get married again when the time is right, and I just hope it's not in the next life!! I am happier than I have been in a long time, and I know that Aaron is too. For now, I am just thankful and content.