Karleah is 12?!?!

How does time go by so fast? Why does it just get faster as I get older? (NOT that I'm old...) I am so blessed to have this child in my life. I realize that sounds snobby since I'm the one that raised her and you'd think I have had a big part in helping mould her into the person she is.... But seriously, this kid is amazing and I'm not sure how much I've had to do with that. It takes a village LOL

When Karleah was born, I remember falling asleep dreaming about her tiny face, hands, feet, and the dimple in her chin. I remember waking up and immediately thinking "I'm a mom!" and when she was 6 days old, we had an appointment to refinance our home (yep, pretty poor planning) and somebody referred to us as a "family" and it melted my heart. We weren't just a "couple" we were "a family." I almost cried.

At 2 she insisted on throwing away every tiny shred of wrapping paper or tape before she would tear more paper to get to her gift. It was the funniest thing.

When she turned 4, we were getting ready to move from our first home and she was preparing to be a big sister. She was thrilled to finally have a turn to have a sibling, since all her cousins had them. She was just glowing the first time she held Nathanael, and she couldn't stop boasting to her preschool friends and primary classmates.

When Karleah was 7 she had to learn a tough lesson when her Grandpa passed away very suddenly. I was in such shock when it happened, and I am sure I handled things very poorly, but she was so brave and strong. She was told that she'd have to help her siblings remember Grandpa because they were all too young to have any memories. Three weeks later, her aunt passed away, and I believe she was a silent supporter for the cousins that lost their mom. I was in awe at her strength and calm love for those around her, even when her own heart was hurting.

On her 8th birthday, Karleah knew she wanted to get baptized. I was careful to tell her that it was a choice, and I didn't want her to do it because her cousins/friends did. She had to make that choice, and explain WHY she made the choice. Her spirit shone through, and again I was in awe of my little girl. At her baptism, she strengthened my testimony in many ways, but especially when she told me she felt her Grandpa and Aunt Julie with her that day.

At 10 Karleah was given a low blow to find out her parents wouldn't be living together anymore. She cried, and cried, and yet she found a strength to comfort her siblings when they didn't understand. She struggled with some of the things that went on. She had to move away from the only home she knew, she had to give up time with some amazing friends and neighbors. She had to redefine her eternal family, and yet she was my rock on many occasions.

Now my "baby" is 12. She went from a tiny 7 lb 9 oz baby with dark curly hair to a tall, slender, brown straight-haired beauty. Her dimples can brighten my day. Her smile gives me strength on my worst days. Tonight I took her out for some one-on-one time. We saw a movie, walked around the mall, and went to dinner. At the movie she was sweet and gently. At dinner, she was silly and fun. She got a scone and slowly tore it apart and threw the pieces at me. Then she got cotton candy and was pretending it was her friend/pet as she patted it and talked to it. Then apologized that it was going to be in her stomach soon, and then eventually in the toilet. I think I laughed through most of dinner.

I reminded her then, and I want to remind her publicly now that she should never be afraid to show ANY of that to others. If they don't like it, they don't deserve to be in her life. She is beautiful, talented, kind, funny, imaginative, caring, and she is a peacemaker. I can't imagine being caught up in so many arguments! She comes home telling me about fights her cousins had, or her classmates, and how she stepped in and helped them all out. Yep, I get to call her "mine".

Happy birthday my first born. MY child. Thank you for reminding me of all the good in the world, and for brightening my days.

Lessons from Punchinello

I have been reading Max Lucado books to my kids for as long as I can remember. Before I had kids, a young lady in my ward read on of his books to the primary kids (I was, of course, the pianist at the time) and I don't even remember which one, but I remember thinking I had better get some of his books before I had kids.

I started the collection with a board book of "You are Special". Karleah had the book memorized before she started preschool. When it was late, and I'd try to skip a page (or even a couple WORDS) she knew and she'd correct me. I once read the book to her when Cameo was over, and she cried because the story was so helpful to her.

I have cried while reading the books a few times, though if you know me at all that's not a huge shock. I am a cryer, especially when it's something that touches my heart in any way. If you've never read his books, I highly recommend them. Tonight, I was reading "You are Mine" to my kids. I've read the story so many times, but (like the scriptures) it has a profound influence on me and each time I take something new away from it.

In this story, a wooden person (Wemmick) gets caught up in a type of popularity race. The Wemmicks are collecting balls and boxes to prove their importance to other Wemmicks. Punhinello's friends don't care about the collections, and they start to miss their friend as he becomes so consumed with collecting boxes that he doesn't have time to play anymore. He starts working extra hours, he sells all that is important to him, and eventually loses his home to buy more toys, only because he wants to feel important.

One day, the Mayor of Wemmicksville decides that she is going to show everybody up and stacks all her toys up, then climbs on top of them. The Wemmicks all start trying to get higher than each other, to prove their own importance. The mayor then initiates a race to Wemmick's Peak to see who can get the highest the fastest. Punchinello gathers up his his toys and takes off with the group. His boxes and balls are so heavy and stacked so high he can hardly walk, or see where he is going.

Punchinello ends up getting off the trail, and trips over something. He trips right over the front porch of the home of Eli (the woodcarver). The woodcarver sees all the boxes and balls that Punchinello dropped, and asks him a few questions. 

He asks how the boxes make him feel, and Punchinello says "important". 

Eli responds "so you've been thinking like the other Wemmicks. You've been think;ing that the more you have, the better you are, and the happier you'll be." 

"I suppose so"

Eli then takes Punchinello to the window, and points out the Wemmicks that are racing up the Peak. "Do they look happy?"

Punchinello shakes his head

"Do they look important"

"Not at all"

"Do you think I created Wemmicks to act that way?" asked Eli

"No."

Eli asks Punchinello how much the boxes and balls cost, Punchinello tells about the things he sold, and Eli says "My little friend, they cost you much more than that..... They cost you happiness. You haven't been happy, have you? They cost you friends. And most of all, they cost you trust. You didn't trust me to make you happy. You trusted those boxes and balls."

When Punchinello realizes how silly he's been, he apologizes to the woodcarver, and Eli replies "You're still special. You're special not because of what you have. You're special because of who you are. You are mine. I love you. Don't forget that, little friend."

I am guilty of some of the same things the Wemmicks do in this book. Of course, I'm not out buying toys or trying to be taller than everybody else. But I do try to make myself seem important in the eyes of others. It's tough, this thing called "life" and I want to feel needed. I want to feel special. I have stretches of time where I think 'the grass is greener over there' or 'I'll be happy when I find a partner that tells me how beautiful I am' or 'One day I'll be more confident because my boyfriend/fiance/husband will make me feel good about myself'.

I've been especially guilty of that the past few weeks. One particular friend might say it's been longer than that. I have relied very heavily on other people, or other things, to make me feel special and important. Tonight, I remembered that it costs me SO much more than I can see when I wait for 'better things'. 

This was a wake up call, and although I've known these things for a long time, I often forget so here are some things that we all should remember. I write in first person hoping that those who read will easily apply these to themselves. 

• No person's opinion of me should change the way I feel about myself.
• I am of infinite worth to a supreme being, He crated me and sacrificed his only son for me individually
• I am a great person
• My gifts are mine to improve upon. I have been blessed with talents, and they are not going to match up with other people's talents, because we are all unique and that's the way it is supposed to be.
• I'm beautiful, and just because some people might be prettier or smarter, or others might not see me as beautiful, doesn't make them right.
• Happiness is available here and now. Sometimes it takes a while to find it, we might struggle in the dark hallways waiting for the next window to open up, but there is always happiness and joy available
• If God created me, and God is perfect, I must be pretty amazing. 

I'm sure God would say the same thing as Eli "You're special not because of what you have. You're special because of who you are. You are mine. I love you. Don't forget that, little friend."

I have to trust in God's love for me, and find my own joy without relying on the future, or another person, or some unforeseeable circumstance to make me happy. I have a pretty great life and I deserve to be happy NOW. And so do you!